And the most important thing of all.

I don't typically like to post anything too explicitly personal, as I tend to use my updates for literary purposes, however tonight I'm in the mood to write. Just write, and I'm too accustomed to a keyboard (alas!- my blue paper journal remains forgotten.) Also, I don't feel like dusting off the wits and I don't want to force a poem, so I'll just see where this takes me.

Since this new semester started and post-holiday season is the slowest time for retail, I've found myself with 3 days off a week. This is really nice and exactly how it was when I first started working at the Rack, yet last time I had lots to preoccupy my time. It was summer and it was warm and Fresno was still new and exciting and fresh. There were bike rides, there were hand-picked peaches, there were sketches of people. But now it's winter and it's dreary and it's too damn cold for me. Fresno is boring and settling like I've known it to be. And I'm antsy and I keep biting my nails. They're brittle and uneven and I'm not sure how my big teeth can manage to fit in the space between my nail and my skin. My black nail polish is chipped badly and it reminds me of a Rorschach: I see pandas and buffalos, whatever that means.

As the end of January creeps near the issue of "Now what?" comes into play. No later than February will I find out whether or not I've been accepted to San Francisco or Fresno State. I truly am apathetic towards their decision, but only on account of gearing myself for failure. Well, not that I have a fear of failure or anything, but I've learned the best way to maintain yourself is to not set expectations. A small part of me is silently praying to God that I get into San Francisco though. I forgot about San Francisco for awhile and honestly, I think it will be the best thing for me.


Brooke Williams said...

yay! i hope you move here so we could be possible housemates. keep me upd8ed.

Kelly Lauren said...

I agree.