Look, I'll tell you how it goes.

We played tug-o-war with each other for, I'd say, a good 3 years. 3 out of the 5 years were spent wrapped up in comfort, tied with a red bow of fear. When I had moved away, we simultaneously released the slack, and it was then we began to feel the pain it had caused in our hands. As they opened wider, the rope slipped away-- although hurting and cramped, we realized the slower our fingers spread the quicker the pain subsided. After a short break, we grabbed hold again, but we soon remembered how good it felt when our hands were spread free. And so it happened, the rope fell completely. But that last time was strange: we came together, as tight as ever, for a good two months. And after you planted your seed, we stopped talking. Completely. Without remorse. Or even regret. No questions. And a good thing because definitely so, there were no answers. There was no love and the seed decomposed into the soil- no growth of a stem, no bloom of a flower. In retrospect, our selfishness really gave light to our true intention: selflessness. You see, I wanted you to grow, and you wanted the same for me.

A year has gone by and our lives are in two completely different places. True, I wish we talked more. I hate how we abide to the unwritten rule of "lovers never being friends"-- how we've succumbed to limbo. A dear woman told me one night that our life is a ballroom waltz, and in the dark corners of the dance floor are precious memories: memories that cause great pain or great joy. We dance in the center, but sometimes we twirl towards the corners... and, "It's okay to remain there for a moment... to pause and to cry," she said, "but into the center, we continue our dance." So here I am, on a warm spring's day: my life in full swing, my routines being made. But even still, I found myself thinking of you. And I couldn't stop the tears that began to flood my eyes. I didn't want to anyway.

I just wish you would've called me on my birthday. Not hearing from you was a sound affirmation that you're there... and I'm... here.

"I don't want be a bad woman
And I can't stand to see you be a bad man
I will miss your heart so tender
And I will love this love forever

And this is why I am leaving
And this is why I can't see you no more
This is why, I am lying when I say
That I don't love you no more

'Cause I want to be a good women
And I want for you to be a good man."

-Chan Marshall

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